bigger picture

so much bull flying around.

all the social circles and their need for attention.

and i need to act surprised all the time. 

this youth group has become more socially driven then it needs to be. 

We are treading on dangerous waters.

overused under-appreciated.

and yet He still gave endlessly.

And so must I.

Steady feet don’t fail me now.

Today i was asked a question. “Did the army teach you anything? Have you become better in these 2 years”

Been thinking about it.

And sadly, it didnt. in fact. the person i was in 2008 was far stronger, sturdier, happier, more believing, then who i am today.

how depressing.

you tell yourself draw the line. Keep the distance. Know your limits. And you try. But once in a awhile you trip, you cross it, and just for a moment your forget the warnings, the history, hoping that maybe you were wrong, that you were just being paranoid.

but the truth hurts.

Stay in line.

i wish i could not give a shit.

my nipples are purple from all the feeding.

and then when you learn how to walk. you walk right out….

ignorant of the very person who always had your back.

and as if it could not get any worse.

i find a knife stabbed in my back.

but i have no time to deal with it, to reconcile with it.. cause as you walk out another walks in.

and i have to start all over again.

the silence is deafening. time puts everything to the test. and 21 years of time has put relationships and friendship to the tests. And i am proud to say… no one stood or passed the test. but its ok. no, its good. i’m choosing to smile. cause i’ve got Him. and i’ve got my bright future. and for sure if anything im deciding to love the people around me more. i love only cause He first loved me.

i’m scared.
funny how we paint ourselves different colors, just so that we would be loved and accepted, i mean, feel, loved and accepted. Truth is, i’d rather be colorless and find that someone who loves me for me, then a masterpiece that fights to keep the attention.


love enough.

im 22. 

do i really need to deal with this?

Its like a bad cough. It comes in waves.

When my immunity is down, it gets the better of me.

Its persistent, it bugs its always on my mind. the only time i stop “coughing” 


during meals, sleeping, when i’m having a good laugh.

Maybe im too involved in peoples lives.

I have been given a mind that analyses far too much, that thinks 10 times the speed of an avg human being.

my mind is too discerning for its own good, and my heart can’t keep up with it.

its hard to not notice the mess and pretense.


So isaac, dont deal with it, just walk away, or do your thing… ignorance is bliss what.

Sadly, I am a sucker of and for love. So its not so easy. Actually I am as much as a baby as they are.. just that i am toilet trained.

so i’ll just keep praying


build a heart that is able to beat to the speed of my mind.

that i’ll be able to love enough.

mfg. :)

More Information